Monday, February 13, 2012
Open letter to a thief (and to everyone else).
I can't even put into words all the different things I've felt over the past forty-eight hours. I'm mad that there is at least one shitty human being within close range that has gotten the best of my at least once (if not all three times). Most of all, I'm mad at myself. I'm mad I didn't put theft protection on my laptop. I'm mad I didn't have renter's insurance. I'm mad I didn't back up my second draft novel files in multiple location in case something like this happened. I should have learned from the last apartment break-in, and the last laptop that was stolen, and I did not. That's my fault, and I'll own that.
Theft is something I really struggle with. The one (and only) time I stole anything was in Kindergarten. I swiped this kid's toy car. I got caught with it at the end of the day. I've never even been tempted to steal since.
I have two theories. Either it was one of my neighbors in the apartment complex, or it was a friend. Either someone watched as I left my apartment, got in my car, and drove off; or they noticed my "check-in" at the bar on Facebook. They must have wasted no time, because I wasn't even gone two hours. I met my friend at the bar, played some pool, got a soda at a nearby gas station, then returned home to see my front door pried open and the deadbolt ripped out. And just like the previous two times, no one saw a damn thing. Just like no one saw the break-in that happened to my next door neighbor just last week.
Whodunit? I have no idea. None at all. I don't personally know of anyone who has admitted to breaking in people's homes. I stick to my "Neighbor or Friend" theory. And having said that, let me speak to the thief (or thieves, as the case may be), since it's a good possibility the thief is reading me online:
IF YOU ARE MY NEIGHBOR: I should have known you were watching and waiting for an opportunity to rob me. All the times I've walked to my car, only to have one of you come running out and begging for a ride. You were watching me then, so OF COURSE someone would be watching for a chance to take my stuff. I hope whatever you get for my dented laptop was worth it. Thanks. Thanks for taking my primary means of job search while I'm unemployed. Thanks for taking the only copy of 2nd draft chapters of my novel. I'm sure you don't care about my stupid novel, anyway. And if you are the same person that broke in the previous two times, then extra kudos for you.
IF YOU ARE MY FRIEND: Congratulations, you got me. You got me good. I'm a sucker and a fool for ever believing you were trustworthy. Now kindly get the fuck out of my life. Just go. Don't announce yourself and don't admit to anything. I honestly don't want to know who did it, as there is little of use that I could do with that information. Just go. You obviously don't value me as a friend, so why keep up the pretense any further?
I just don't know how to feel anymore. I've always been a helpful person. If someone needed something, they could call or text, and I would do what I can for them. If they needed a ride somewhere, I'd give them a ride. If they needed money, I'd lend them what I could afford. Whatever it was, no questions asked, because that's just the kind of person I am. If I can be there for someone, I feel like I should. But now...I just don't know. I'm so unsettled by the fact I have NO IDEA who is doing this to me. And even if I knew, what would I do about it? If it's a friend, then I have a ton of messy drama on my hands. Even if it's not, would I go to the police if I found out who it was? And if I did, would that person try to retaliate once they got out of jail (if they were even arrested at all)? I feel like I'm being watched. I feel like I'm friends with people I can't even trust. But most of all, I'm tired of having my property taken from me.
Whomever it is, it's clear that no fucks about me are given. Which is of course is the same for everyone else who gets robbed. I hate that our society's lack of empathy is so strong. There's so much theft, abuse, rape, and murder because there are so many people who flat-out don't care about anyone. As long as "I got mine", I don't give a fuck about anyone else. One person steals from another so they can get by. The person who got robbed now has to adjust to what happened. Maybe they are in good financial shape to replace what was taken from them. Maybe they're not. Maybe the robbery went horribly wrong, and they're in the hospital (or dead). Hell, that could have been me that night in St. Louis.
I just wish I lived in a world where people more actually gave a damn about each other. I don't think it's an issue of "kids these days" or "declining moral values" because I believe humans have ALWAYS been like this. Few people care until it hits close to home.
My request: Try to care.